I don’t Want That Anymore

By Aaron Schroeder

Ever felt like following Jesus is just one long, exhausting fight against everything you actually want? I know, that sounds like something you're not supposed to say out loud. But seriously. Sometimes it feels like being a Christian means trying not to mess up and keeping track of everything you're not allowed to do anymore. We talk about freedom, but a lot of us aren’t feeling it. Instead, it feels like behavior management.

Paul felt that too. The same guy who said, “For freedom Christ has set us free…” also wrote, “I don’t really understand myself. I want to do what’s right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.” (Romans 7:15) Been there? I have. A lot. I want to live differently, but I mess up. And when I read what Paul wrote, it’s kind of a relief. Because he’s not giving up, he’s being honest. What he’s saying is this: “My heart wants something better. Even when I fail, I’m not the same person I used to be.”

And maybe that’s true for you too. You’ve still got your moments, but something’s changing. You don’t want the same things you used to. Maybe it’s subtle. But deep down, you’re starting to think, I don’t want that anymore. That shift? That’s Jesus working in you. You’re reading this because something in you wants more. More than your old habits. More than quick fixes. You’re not just looking for relief, you’re looking for something real. Even if your actions don’t always show it, your desires are different. That’s a big deal.

I’ve been following Jesus since I was eleven, and I still have to surrender every day. Some days I get it right. Some days I don’t. But I’ve learned this: God isn’t waiting on me to be perfect. He’s walking with me while I figure it out. I get why letting Jesus lead your life can feel scary. Like if you really let Him change your desires, you’ll lose something. But here’s the truth: the stuff you’re afraid to lose? It was never helping you.

Jesus isn’t managing your behavior. He’s not handing you a list. He’s pulling up a chair and saying, You’re mine. When you believe that, everything changes. You stop trying to prove yourself. You stop thinking freedom is something you earn. You start to understand, Jesus already did it all for you.

So next time you feel stuck, like you’ll never get it right, pray something simple: Jesus, thank you for changing my desires. And thank you for your grace while my actions catch up. And if you’re tempted to give up or go back, remember what Paul asked the Galatians: You were running well. Who cut in on you? (Galatians 5:7)

Who told you you’re too far gone? That you’ll never change? That freedom isn’t for you? It wasn’t Jesus.

So don’t quit. Don’t settle for a faith that’s just about avoiding mistakes. You’re being invited into something way better. Some of you already feel it. Your heart’s changing. What you want is different than it used to be. That’s not your effort, it’s Jesus. Let Him keep working. Not because you’ve got to prove anything, but because you’ve got a story worth telling: I used to be lost, now I’m found. I used to live in fear, now I’ve got confidence. I used to think I wasn’t enough, but now I know I’m a son or daughter of the Most High. And little by little… my actions are starting to catch up.

Challenge/Activity:

Then vs Now

Grab a journal or use the space below and create two columns. Label them:

• “Then” – What I used to want

• “Now” – What I want because of Jesus

Take a few minutes to think honestly about how your desires used to lead you vs what you’re starting to want now, or maybe even just praying you will start to want. Be real. Be honest.

Once you finish your list, read it out loud to God and pray something like:

“Jesus, keep shifting my heart so that what I want lines up with your will. I trust you and surrender to you the parts of me that are still in progress. Amen.”